In the future we'll all be gay
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
