so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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