U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
