a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
