I bet he comes in French.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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