My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The air taste purple.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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