i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
