the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
