Jerry, you need to find god
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
