dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
false alarm, still single
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