Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
