He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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