If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
