i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
