Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it's like iHOP with fire
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
