Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
