She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
