dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
