God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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