so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nicole vs. Life
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
