I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
