You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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