babies were throwing up all over the place
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
