i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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