The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
