you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
