I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
