i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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