dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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