What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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