I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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