Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
