I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
