you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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