after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
