I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
