Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm getting married
To pizza
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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