you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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