I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
