Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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