you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is Oprah even human
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
