I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
