i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
organizing the empties. That sober.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
