dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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