There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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