Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
