just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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