So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
