hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am one with the molecules
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
