you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
