she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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