honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
