he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
